Ok, first blog.
What to say? Right now I’ve been forced into being on my tod for 4 months, while my fella is off on his 6 months fitness regime. Also known as the Afghan diet. Yep, he’s a Soldier, on tour in sunny Afghanistan. So far he’s been away for 3 months and 2 weeks. It’s been the first tour of duty, for the both of us. And, as far as I can tell, he is loving his time out there. Which makes life that little bit less stressful for me. It’s also fortunate he isn’t directly on the front lines. I honestly don’t think I could handle that.
Before he left, back in March, I spent a lot of the time physically sick. We have been together 16 months. And in that time, the longest apart we’ve been is 3 weeks. That alone was torture. The last 3 months have been surreal. It’s a completely bazaar experience.
On March 1st we said our goodbyes, and shared our last kiss for 4 months. I had to be strong for him. I couldn’t bear to let him leave with me in floods of tears, begging him not to leave. You can’t do that. The night before, there had been lots of tears. From both sides. And in the morning. But when the time came for him to go, we hugged each other so strong, and I told him he better come back to me, otherwise he’d be in big trouble lol. He smiled. Kissed me on the head, and told me to keep smiling. Suddenly at that moment, saying “I love you”, just didn’t seem to fully express to him how I feel about him. In that moment it dawned on me, what a gaping hole he was going to leave in my life for a while. And, as much as I shouldn’t do this, to think if anything awful were to happen to him, how my life would come to a complete stop. I wouldn’t be able to survive without him. That would be the end, and my life would be over.
The first 2 weeks were unimaginable. Each day rolled into the next. Each seeming longer than the last. Don’t ask me how I snapped out of it, but I managed to. Almost anyway. You can never really learn to adjust to day to day life without that one person who makes it complete for you. He kept saying to me: “don’t worry, it’s only 6 months. In 4 I’ll be back on my RnR! It’ll go quickly, I promise”. In a way, he was right. Looking back at my calendar (Top Gear, oh yes! Lol) it has flown by. When I look over all the huge biro X’s, crossing off each day. But living it, my God, it’s been so hard.
You have to do whatever you can to get through the day. Watching the news doesn’t help. Hearing each time we lose another man, it hits home in ways nobody can ever really understand unless you have someone you love in such a dangerous situation.
It makes my blood boil whenever I hear people being so disrespectful towards the Armed Forces. There’s no valid reason for it. My boyfriend is based in Oxfordshire. Where exactly I won’t say. One night, a few of the lads decided to go for a quiet drink or two, and a bit of a dance. When they decided to call it a night, they were set upon by over 20 civilian lads. Outnumbered, they were kicked and beaten to the ground. One to within an inch of his life. He suffered a stroke as a result of the blows he took to the head. His career is now none existent. It’s a terrible shame, he’s a lovely lad. It makes me sick to think about it. Once, when my fella was on his way back from a training exercise, they pulled into a motorway service station. They saw a minibus taking injured soldiers back from tour to hospital. Some had severe gun shot wounds, others with amputated limbs, lost in explosions on the front line. People were walking by them, spitting, and hurling abuse??!!!!! How the hell can anyone justify doing that???
One thing I know is, when my baby comes home, if anyone dare treat him in such a disgraceful manor, they’ll soon regret it.
I can’t wait to see him. I’ve missed him sooooo much. xXx
mmmmm.
